Bullying No Way week is coming up (August 11-15th). This year the focus is on "Be Kind. Be Bold. Speak Up." There are so many ways we can do this. I love the focus this year. It's so practical. Being Kind can be easy; saying something nice to someone, encouraging positive behaviour, establishing a routine that is kind to yourself and your family. I say 'can be easy' because those are all harder to do if behaviour is difficult, the person you're trying to be kind to rubs you the wrong way or if you're in survival mode. My favourite saying is 'one step at a time'. We can't change overnight but we can slowly work towards a better future and a better self.

I have a really strong memory from Primary school about some of my friends being verbally unkind to another kid in conversation (the student in question wasn't there). I got so sick of it! I tried to say stand up for the student, I tried to redirect/change the conversation but to no avail. Eventually I simply removed myself. I used to just stand 2-3 meters away whenever they were being unkind. It may have felt awkward, but this silent protest was significant. It didn't immediately stop them (they used to call me back in when they were finished being unkind!) but eventually it did.  They stopped talking negatively about them after a few days. This experience was the most complex social situation I had to navigate in primary school. So often we try different solutions to remove or prevent bullying but at the end of the day we need to continue to develop because today's solution is sometimes different from yesterdays. Kindness, boldness and, speaking up are all part of the process of learning and adapting to social circumstances. Together they provide great solutions to healthy relationships. 

There is so much hope in trying again. Were you kind and they snapped back? Try again. Were you bold with your needs, but they didn't meet them? Try a new solution. Did you try to speak up and weren't heard? Try again. Keep trying, because yesterday's solution might not fit today's problem. 

I definitely don't know all the answers! But I think it's important to recognise that different capabilities and contexts change the response required. Adapting and developing our response will be invaluable in finding a solution in each context. How do you brainstorm disagreements or personality clashes with your kids? How do you solve problems within the family? Have you tried being kind, bold and speaking up? 

Hope this is helpful,

Chappy Astrid